When we experienced our little heat wave a few weeks ago, I was reminded of the one time of year I really just can’t get excited about. Of course, I’m talking about the summer. The time of year when I feel like every cell in my body develops tiny little sweat glands whose goal it is to make sure that sitting down for any length of time has the potential to be a very embarrassing experience.

Also, this summer, I’ve come full circle and am working from my apartment full-time. Although I’m not back at my studio apartment in Hollywood—where my lack of air conditioning meant lots of ice-cold showers at noon and wearing little more than a bikini top and shorts—my power did go out several times last summer at these new digs, making me a little nervous about the prospect of what the heat will bring.

So, I became inspired to come up with some pointless, but hopefully amusing suggestions for keeping the summer sweats away! And I’m not even remotely concerned that someone might steal one of my brilliant ideas and get rich off them because, quite frankly, I’m too lazy to do it myself but would be more than happy to slap down three installments of $5.99 in order to keep cool.

1. The Ice Hat: You know those gel-filled face masks that you can put on your eyes to rid the area of puffiness? What about an entire helmet made of that material? All you would need is eyeholes and maybe even an extended area to velcro around your neck, for extra cooling effect. It’s so genius. If I had three in rotation in my freezer at all times, I’d be set.

2. The Ice Hat (Alternate Version): If you’re sitting at a desk and happen to be working at home, you don’t really mind looking goofy. So maybe, you’d be interested in wearing the ice hat that is basically an upside down bowl strapped to your head, but with a hole to allow the crown of your head to be inside the bowl. Fill with ice water and voila! Just keep adding ice throughout your day and you’re good to go. Also strengthens neck muscles.

3. Cool Feet: OK, this is really just a bucket of cold water where you can put your feet under the desk. It’s nothing that really needs inventing.

4. Refrigaditioning: This would be a hefty tube that attaches to inside your refrigerator and air conditions your home. Come to think of it, you could probably get the same effect by just leaving the door open. And if your electricity is included in your rent, well, it wouldn’t cost you a thing extra!

5. Cold Clothes: This is more of a home remedy. Before you go to sleep, drench three outfits in water and put them in the freezer overnight. In the morning, put on your first outfit and you can switch out for fresh, freezing clothes as the day progresses.

Stop kicking yourself for not thinking of these yourself. That’s why I’m here.